Another bullshit of new year, new me.

Another bullshit of new year, new me. 

It has been a while since I posted last piece of writing on social activities. I am 26 years old now. Despite many insecurities strikes in, women at the same age like me may already have a wonderful life, like having babies, being engaged, or even getting married. Am I too generalising? Yup maybe, at least that is what I observe from my home country, Indonesia.

As I look back to my accomplishment years ago, I found myself now being laid-back. When I was working as a lawyer in a big law firm, I actually had clear goals, either for short or even long term. Such as, when I will get married, when I will resign from law firm, what type of career I would like to pursue afterwards. It was all clear, at least in my head. 

Like many religions proverbs said that you may have plan, but God knows better. Then all shit happened, failure and disappointments ruined my timeline and goals. Imagine, I broke up with a guy whom I thought he was the love of my life (it was quite interesting story and I am not gonna write it this time), I had a quick relationship with a douchebag, then a friend introduced me to a great guy who was living in South Africa. how weird my life is?! (Ok, enough about love history of mine now) That was all happened within less than 3 years. Not to mention that I also have a positive breakthrough in my life which was moving to the Netherlands. I never thought of this chance, I am totally a lucky bastard for this one.

I am now living in the Netherlands to pursue a master degree. Family and friends were so proud and a bit sad about it. It was a good kind of sad actually because I will be no longer around them. First few months, I was still sticking on my mindset about career, marriage, life goals and whatnot. As a consequences, I always worry about not fulfilling them. 

After settling down with adaptation to cultural differences, I have perspective. I found myself brave enough to explore new things. Sounds a bit cliche, I admit. But really, as you may hear it from other international students like me, studying abroad is not merely about getting the diploma. It is about surviving life, building yourself and finding your own perspective. Silly example I might give you is now I can do chores by myself. I am no longer a spoiled brat. Seriously, I stepped out from my comfy zone to have connection here. Apart from my shaky english, I have some friends with different nationalities who are so welcoming. 

Let's talk deeper about perspective. Over several years, my colleagues and friends considered me as desperate girl who really wants to get married and have family. Yeah I was but not that desperate, I think. I might look like one, but I was not.

Ok continue... After having conversation with people, observation and contemplation, I can finally enjoy my youth without having fuss about that. I might hurt some people on getting this perspective but at this stage I can understand that people might not have the same timeline. I realised that everyone seems having their own problem eg. just because they looked happy on social media does not mean that their life is easy. Like me, you may see  me smiling on @instagram while travelling around Europe but deep down I still have my own problem. Some may get married first, some have to deal with thesis or career and some may be dead already. JK. 

Of course people may have different value to live their life but it does not mean that their ways are wrong. Based on my research, the differences might come from the way we are raised, where we live, and our surrounding. So it is pretty normal most Indonesian young ladies might have priority on getting married rather than pursuing career.  The trouble is when you are going abroad and meet people with different way of thinking, you have two options to do, first - you can be a judgemental bitch and think that everybody else is stupid or second - try to learn their perspective. In this case, I wisely opt the last one.   

I met 30-something year old woman, a really sweet married woman with two children, a friend's of my best friend. She is now completing master degree in the same university like mine. People might think she was too late; but I never thought something would be that wrong. I believe she is doing very well in class while juggling with her job and family since she always look happy and fell blessed. Truly an inspiration. 

I also met a female friend, slightly older than me. She has been living together with her boyfriend and never thought of getting married anyway. Apart from that, she is a sweetheart and always be a positive person. Meanwhile, in Indonesia she might be dead already. Ok now I am exaggerating, she must have been judged by many, but no one seems to care about that in Europe. 

Well again, different value of living does not make a person better or happier than the other.  It is just our mindset, I observed that people in Europe do not give a shit about other's business at all. They respect the differences. As I am being an asian, I am always anxious about other's judgment. Seems like level of happiness set by them. If they do think our way of life is same like them, it is good, otherwise you are terribly wrong. Indeed, that kind of person exists yet I emphasise that your mindset is more important. Do what ever makes you happy, of course without having people get hurt, if possible. People grow differently anyway. 

As an outcome after living in Europe for several months, I have perspective that I should be honest to myself about what I want in life and not what people think I might want. I should pursue things that makes me happy, be chill with timeline by not rushing everything and stop being a judgmental bitch to others (this is the hardest :p). 

So this is it. After some paragraphs and making somewhat unclear point, here I am with new perspective of life. Like I said, another bullshit about new year and new me, but fuck it! now I am living my life with joy. Hopefully. 

Best,

Brimanti